Max loses his first teeth for fun and profit

Max has a pair of adult teeth coming in his lower jaw.  But instead of coming in directly under his baby teeth, they came in behind his baby teeth, giving him a shark-like second row of teeth.  The dentist warned us that this is bad news; those baby teeth need to come out ASAP so that the adult teeth can come in properly.  He (or was it she?) gave us three weeks to get those baby teeth out before they'd have to be pulled.

We diligently reminded Max many times each day to wiggle his two teeth to help get them out.  Each time he'd dutifully wiggle his teeth for a minute and then forget about it until the next time we reminded him.

After two weeks of getting nowhere I decided to conduct an experiment in economics.  I offered to pay Max $5 per tooth that he removes before the deadline.  After all, why should I be the only one to enjoy the surplus generated by not paying an expensive dentist to pull baby teeth?  Without the bribe, Max has no incentive to help me gain that surplus.

Max was fired up.  He stood to gain TEN WHOLE DOLLARS.  He wiggled those teeth with renewed ferocity... for a minute.  Then he forgot about it just like before.  We kept reminding him of how much money was on the line, but the tactic just wasn't working.

One night brushing teeth as the deadline approached, I noticed that one of his two offending baby teeth was very loose and ready to come out.  I half-jokingly implored him to just let me rip out the tooth then and there, expecting to be stonewalled.  But Max surprised me: "If I let you pull it now then I want both of the five dollars!"

My knee-jerk reaction was to refuse.  I'm boss around here, kid.  This is not a negotiation.  But I thought more about it while I brushed his teeth.  Time for a flip-flop, just to see what happens: "Okay, Max.  If you let me pull that tooth right now then I'll give you $10, and you can still earn $5 for the other one later."

Next thing I know, I'm now faced with the job of pulling a tooth from a willing six-year-old.  He stood there with his mouth open and his eyes shut tight, braced for impact.  I never thought it would get this far.  To be honest, I was getting cold feet.  What kind of six-year-old lets his dad pull a tooth for money?  When I was a kid there wasn't enough money in the world to convince me to let anyone pull out my teeth before they fell out on their own.

Anyway, the tooth came out quite easily.  Max was proud and fascinated by the new hole in his gums.  And boy oh boy was he happy with his $10.  But the story doesn't end yet.

The dentist's deadline approacheth.  So the very next night in the bathroom brushing teeth I said to Max, "Just let me pull that other one, too."  I thought for sure he'd refuse this time.  This second tooth was not as loose as the first; it would be harder to pull and might hurt a lot.

He didn't even bother to negotiate this time.  He was now an old hand at this tooth extraction thing.  It would be easy.

So once again I find myself tasked with pulling a tooth from a kid's mouth.  I think I was more nervous than he was.  What if it's harder to pull than I thought?  What if it really hurts?  Should I back out?

Never.  I'm not going to be upstaged by my six-year-old son.  So I pulled.  And pulled.  The tooth would not come.  It slid between my fingers and my nails were too short to get good purchase.  I grabbed a dry cloth for a better grip.  I pulled.  Again.  The tooth came out!

Max was solid as a rock the whole time.  Proud as a peach when it was done, and very happy with his additional $5.  I'm incredulous.  He is made of tougher stuff than I.